If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
