So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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