Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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