Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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