Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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