ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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