dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
