Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
