zippers are such a cool invention
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
