and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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