I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
