We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
