So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Porn is love you can see.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
