i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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