Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
