You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
