I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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