I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize