fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
