I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
try to milk me bitch
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
