I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
