I saw his package. It spoke to me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
