My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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