i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
