I can tuck mytits in my pants
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize