just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
