I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
