I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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