I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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