You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
