Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
