i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
