the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
