Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
