never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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