it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
