My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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