At least make sure they are 18
Why
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
