Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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