mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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