So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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