So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
