I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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