i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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