just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
