my phone needs a breathalizer
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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