your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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