Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
