i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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