Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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