Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
