I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
