I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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