return my video game
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
