I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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