There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
