so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can't put those talents on a resume
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
