I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
