We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
