I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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