Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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