i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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