she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
