I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
