I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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