your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
