if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize