I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
